The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, September 08, 2006

How Long is too Long?

At times, I am a very organized person. I hate disorganization, especially when it comes to customer service. It's what's been pissing me off most regarding the healthcare I've been receiveing. None of these doctors are willing to communicate with each other.

Yesterday was my day of dread. It's the day that all sexually active gay men hate, the day we get "tested". I usually get tested every 6 months just to make sure (not that I always need tested! I'm not that much of a whore). However I am a child of the 80's, and fully remember the hell of AIDS discrimination, so I will only get tested anonymously.

In other states, this isn't a problem, but here in NY, the only legal anonymous testing clinics are at the health department. Thus, I had to drag myself over to the closest one (located in Chelsea) and check in. It's a walk-in clinic, and they offer the rapid test (which takes only 20 minutes to get the results) so I figured I could get the test done fairly quickly.

I was wrong.

Upon arriving, I checked in at the counter and was asked by the receptionist as to what test I wanted done. He pointed at a card that listed the STD's on it and asked I point out my concerns. I pointed to the three letter bane of my existence and he said "Are you sure there isn't anything else you want done?"

***blank stare***

Just what kind of whore does this guy think I am? He gives me a card, tells me not to fill out the personal information, and sends me to the waiting room. A room filled with 36 people. I scan the room for open seats.

Seat number one: Next to a woman wearing a gold metallic mini skirt and high heels.
Seat number two: Between two very good looking gay guys, both who work out quite often.
Seat number three: In the corner.

I choose seat number two, because any chance I have to cruise a cute guy, let alone two...well I'm taking it. I don't care if it's in a STD clinic! Both guys are filling out their cards, so I take a peek as they are writing their information. The guy on my right is hot. Muscular, around my age, and has great arms. On his card, I can see he is checking off that he wants an HIV test, and that currently he is experiencing a buring sensation while he urinates. Uhhh...huh....next!

I turn to instead cruise the guy on my left. His card says that he's recently seen lesions on his groin area.

Both guys are now off my list.

Catholics have this weird belief that you can die, and deserve heaven, but since you didn't have a recent confession, you are doomed to stay in a place called Purgatory for a set amount on time to work off your sins. After a few million years or so, you go to heaven. Folks...I've been to Purgatory. It's called the health department's STD clinic.

I waited nearly 3 hours until they finally called my number. By that point, I could have had sex with the burning sensation boy, contracted what ever he had, and still had time to get lunch before they would have called me. Finally though, they called my number and took me into the room for the "pre-counseling" session.

Now I used to do this job when I lived in Colorado. I know the questions by heart, and I can take blood for the test. Now, blood draws are not necessary (saliva works), so the test is much easier. I gave her my card which said "ANONYMOUS", and she told me to have a seat again, as only one person does the anonymous tests.

An hour later, I lost it. I walked out and figured I'll just pay for a test at a confidential clinic and give a fake name. But this whole thing has got me thinking.

Years ago, people were afraid to get tested because of the stigma, or because they looked at it as a death sentence. We as counselors were to work very hard to prevent someone from offing themselves if they tested positive. Hell, only about 70% of the people who tested came back for their results a week later.

Now, I wonder how many people don't get tested because it just isn't convenient. How long would you be willing to wait, or would you just put it off until "later" which never does seem to arrive. What's wrong with this situation?

Patrick - 3:24 PM -

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