The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Power Play

I love hockey, but it's one of the only sports I don't like to play. I find the game fascinating except for the immense on-ice fighting (which I find poor sportsmanship) that often happens.

One of my favorite parts is when the famed "power play" is put into effect. This happens when one team loses players to the penalty box for a set time and is playing with less players. The full strength team has power over the weaker team.

Walking home last night, I did a little self reflection. Seriously, what else can you do walking in Central Park at 11 pm? It was during this time, as I thought about what I had done earlier that I realized a little something about myself. When I'm feeling powerless, or controlled, I almost always slip into my "lawyer mode". It was a form of aggressive questioning and answering that I learned while taking a law course during my undergraduate years.

Usually this mode is prefaced by about 24 hours of rehearsed arguments in my head, which was how I prepared for my Doctor's Appointment yesterday. In this shower yesterday morning, my arguments were with the shower head.

"So, what brings you here today?" the shower head playing (the role of my doctor) asked.
"You requested this appointment. Maybe you should read your chart notes?" I answered.
"Ok. How was your meeting with the surgeon?" He asked.
"All five minutes of it were fine. He referred me to several other doctors though, each who gave me a digital exam. Apparently swallowing difficulties are diagnosed by sticking a finger up a patient's ass. Either that, or I'm just really lucky." I snipped.

We all do this. We all have rehearsed conversations in hopes of using them. For me though, I use them at my disposal. That means, I'll guide the conversation until the intended victim walks right into that script. At that point, the attack is made.

Yesterday while walking home, I smiled for the first time in a while. I had been feeling powerless over everything in my healthcare situation, and thus laying into my doctor just gave me a little control of everything again.

So I'm smiling today...But Thursday I've got one of my final appointments with the attending resident at the hospital for pre admission to the hospital. This has been an argument I've rehearsed for almost 4 weeks.

God help him!

Patrick - 4:00 PM -

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