The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Variety is the Spice of Life

Every year I go to GLBT Pride for several reasons. It's a way of meeting people I may never get to see during the year, find new organizations to join, but I've got a primary ulterior motive.

The Free Condoms!
Why is it that a circular piece of latex that is only around 10 inches long cost so much? Now I'm broke, but I'm not so broke that I'd go without and use say...a sandwich bag, although I will admit I did experiment a bit when I was 14 with a boyfriend. (Who knew lunchtime in middle school could be so fun?) So I have to improvise at times.

That means going to pride fest and grabbing as many of the suckers as I can. Any particular brand??? Doesn't matter...I was raised by a depression grandmother! You're just lucky I'm not reusing them. My usually take during Pridefest is about 3 or 4 dozen. That usually tides me over until my birthday...where I treat myself to a large purchase. And that purchase is usually done in the grocery store.

Imagine my dismay this year though, realizing that not many condoms were to be passed out at NYC pride, and even more worse, grocery stores don't carry condoms. In fact, the only places that carry condoms are drug stores and corner deli stores. I didn't even think about it until July, when I ran out.

I was on a date with "Mr. You'll Do" (which is better than "Mr. What's Your Name Again") and he suggested we go back to my place to play with an erector set. We got back, and as things progressed, I reached into my special condom holder (an old shoe box) and nothing was to be had. An empty box (except for a large bottle of lube), and at a critical point in the evening. Luckily, the 24 hour deli is just down the street.

I debated leaving my friend in my apartment while I went to get supplies, but I saw the way he was eying the lube and touching himself, and immediately told him to come with me. We both uncomfortably got dressed (Why are my jeans tight when I don't want them to be?) and walked very quickly down to the deli.

Now Abu, the deli owner, likes to keep the condoms behind the counter. We approached the man, and while trying to maintain my dignity, I asked him for a package of condoms.

"Ahh...my friend. The two of you want to boo-boom! What kind do you want?" He asked.
"What kind do you have?" I asked.
"These are unlubricated..."
"NO!" my future boyfriend barked.
"Not to worry my friend...I have grease." as the shop owner pointed to the Crisco.
"What else do you have?" I asked.
Looking at my friend, "Would you like mint?"
My friend rolled his eyes.
"I have extra large"
"We don't" glared my friend. (I secretly planned to kill him at that moment).
"Would you like ribbed?"
"Yes" I stated, thinking about the extra-large comment.
"That will be 8 dollars" the shop owner said.

I paid and we took our package back to my apartment to place...well on my package. Eight dollars bought me 3 condoms, and that isn't nearly enough when you are getting to know someone. That's one night!

So what did I learn from this experience?

• Buy in bulk.
  
• Always check the box before going out of the house.
  
• The deli shop guy knows too much about me.
  

Patrick - 10:25 AM -

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