The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

One Hot Box

Yesterday, while taking my daily walk, I ventured into "the Land of Straight Man", otherwise known as Circuit City. I only go there when I'm bored (and believe me...over a week off of work and I'm REALLY bored!).

Every time I go into that store, it's the same thing. Straight men everywhere stare and salivate at televisions larger than my apartment, while their wives and girlfriends try to distract them away from pulling out the credit card. I walked down the aisle of televisions, each playing the same images, and scanned the prices.

$3100.00
$2900.00
$2100.00
$1900.00
$1400.00 (open box sale)
$1700.00

I just sort of stood there stunned. When the fuck did televisions get to be so expensive? Unfortunately, I stood in one place too long. At Circuit City, the people work on commission, and the salesman swooped in for the kill. Little did he know what he was about to meet.

Now is it just me, or can anybody really tell the difference between a high definition television picture and a regular picture? I asked the salesman what was really the difference, and his jaw dropped. I must have just landed on this planet, or have been stranded on a remote island. (Cleveland, Ohio...close enough).

He guided me over to an area where two televisions sat side by side. One displaying a typical analog display. "Notice how fuzzy the image is? How the colors aren't that true?" he said. He then turns on the high definition television. The way he was acting, the choirs of angels began singing the moment electricity passed into this machine. "See how crisp the image is?" he asked.

"No." I answered truthfully.

He directed me to move close to the screen (an inch or two away) and take note that on the "outdated" televisions, you could see the horizontal lines, but in the new televisions you can't see the lines.

"But who watches a television from two inches away?" I asked.
"The newer televisions put less of a strain on your eyes" he said.
"So does sitting four feet away from the television."
"But your cable television transmission will come in much more clear."

And with that, I committed the greatest of all sins. I admitted the unspeakable.
"I don't have cable television." I said.

The look he gave me said he couldn't comprehend the words coming from my mouth. I went on to explain that I only watch about one show a week (Damn you Jase for getting me hooked on Lost), which I think made this salesman's ears start to bleed.

With my last statement, he turned, and just walked away, leaving me alone. I walked out of the store and continued down Broadway, thinking about the whole thing. I like the look of the new flat televisions, as you can mount them on the wall and save prime apartment space, but that's about it. I don't get the whole straight guy fascination with the huge televisions. I continued to ponder it, walking down the street when something shiny caught my eye. A silver buckle on a black leather shoe. On sale for only $450.

I'm so gay.

Patrick - 12:19 PM -

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