The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, October 20, 2006

One Track Mind

Many who are attempting weight loss equate their heavy burden with their emotional burdens. No love life? It's from being overweight and unattractive. Bad job? Who hires fat people? Those people (and I'm one of them sometimes) think that all your problems go away with the excess weight. So many people believe that once they reach that goal weight, their lives will be perfect.

143

I got on the scale yesterday and this was the number. I've not weighed 143 since I was in high school. Now I'm the first to admit that I'm not losing weight the healthy way, nor am I even trying to lose weight. However, eating 600-800 calories a day via liquids only, I'm at a loss to stop the loss for now. Ensure ain't cheap folks, but I've discovered some really good soup recipes.

African Peanut Soup
Indian Cucumber Soup
Pepper and Ginger Soup
Loaded Baked Potato Soup (probably just what you think it is)
S'more Surprise Soup

Ok...that last one is my own idea. 1 package of graham crackers with 4 cups of chocolate milk and two tablespoons of marshmallow fluff. Puree in a blender. Surprise...Instant soup!

And this is what my life has been reduced to. I find myself thinking about food all the time, even when my mind should be focused on other things. Ever tried masturbating when all you can think about is a hot guy eating a hamburger. Or fantasizing about a 6 man orgy that involves the guys dividing up a lasagna? If it wasn't for hot dogs, I'd fear my future sex life would be ruined.

I've even found myself browsing the bookstores, spending time in the cookbook sections. It's my new porn, and when I read a story about how to cook a salt crusted filet mignon, I start breaking out into a cold sweat and find myself salivating. Especially when it's served with mushrooms cooked in a red wine sauce.

I wonder if I could masturbate with food? Where's the cucumber?

Patrick - 3:30 PM -

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