The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Wanna Ride?

As a child growing up, I loved amusement parks, and specifically roller coasters. I was and still am a fanatic, but as a child I could relate everything to ride technology. I was the kid who would read every news paper advertisement regarding new ride openings, and knew of every ride in Disney World before I ever got there. And If I couldn't discuss amusement parks, I would find a way to relate the topic of conversation to amusement parks.

Recently, over the summer, I found myself doing just that. I was sitting at brunch grazing and gazing (that's eating small amounts of food while lusting after the single gay men sitting around us), when my companion and I started speculating what it would be like to date the different men around us. I described each guy as a different amusement park ride.

• The Antique Cars
  This is the ride we all know. Safe, reliable, and entertaining...at first. But after a few minutes, you realize you are stuck with this guy until you find an exit. The speed never goes faster than 4 miles an hour, and nothing is exciting.
  
  
• The Carousel
  This is the slut of the amusement park. Everyone, and I mean everyone in the park has had a ride at least once.
  
  
• The Bumper Cars
  This is the kind of guy who starts moving in one direction, and as soon as you've got any momentum going (WHAM!) turns into a different direction, giving you emotional whiplash.
  
  
• The Log Flume/ Rapids
  This guy...well you enjoy the ride while it lasts, but near the end of the ride, he soaks you emotionally, leaving you wet and miserable for an incredibly long time afterwards to remember him.
  
  
• The Tilt a Whirl
  One time with this guy is fun. Spend too long with him and you want to puke.
  
  
• The Roller Coaster
  This guy will take you on a major emotional thrill ride, but it just never stops. You'll be screaming and screeching, but he is always in control, and you can only hope that somewhere along the way he has an emergency brake, or at least a good harness.
  
  
• The Observation Tower
  This is the guy you date while trying to get to know the other types of guys out there. You go out with him, but really are looking for something else.
  
  
• The Giant Swing
  This guy looks like a promising guy, but three seconds later...that's it. It's over, and you find yourself wondering why you bothered paying the extra money for such a short ride. A complete let down.

The hard part about doing this, was that I realized I should probably categorize myself into an amusement park ride as well. For now...I'm not sure. I think I say I'm the ticket booth.

Patrick - 3:04 PM -

---