The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Anonymous Scenes

As I walked through the doors, I realized this was the first time in years I had entered a public school and it wasn't an election day. The halls were that gray green color that was so popular in the 70's. I never would have gone there, but was asked by a friend, so I tagged along. We reached the last room on the left side of the hallway, and opened the doors to enter.

Walking through the doors, a hazy cloud of cigarette smoke hovered in the air illuminated by the cheap fluorescent lighting that is standard in all public schools. Within two steps of entering the room, you could smell coffee. Very strong coffee and in the center of the room a circle of chairs had been set up. My friend and I took our seats as the group was about to begin.

"Hello. My name is *****, and I'm an Alcoholic."

Thus began my friend's journey into sobriety. I used to think I understood what it was like for him, and thought I could sympathize with him on the plights he was undertaking, but in reality, I had no clue. Until last night.

Being that I'm still on a liquid diet, I've not been drinking alcohol, and for the most part I don't miss it. At least not as much as I miss a good burger with blue cheese and bacon, a side baked potato with butter, sour cream and chives, a tossed Greek salad with feta cheese, and an entire apple pie for dessert. No...I don't miss food...I mean alcohol at all. However things are very differently when you are the sober one.

Take last night, where I went bowling with a group of great guys. One of the three lanes we reserved was not working properly, so we didn't start until an hour later than expected. Therefore the group I was with began drinking while waiting to start, without food. As the pitchers of beer and wine flowed, the slurring began. At first it was amusing, but eventually something strange happened.

Once when I was college and on a camping trip, I got stoned with some of the people, and then joined the main group around the fire. Eight of the 20 of us were high as a kite. One of the sober people cracked a joke about the potatoes cooking in the fire, and I cracked a joke back. I thought it had been an immediate joke back, but found out later, I made a responsive joke after about 30 minutes (it took me that long to think it up), when the conversation had completely changed. The only people who got my joke were the 8 high people. The sober ones all looked at me strangely.

Yesterday, while in the middle of the 5th frame of the game, a player looked at me and said "That was so funny!" I had no clue what he was talking about, so I did what any good bartender would do. I agreed with him and smiled. As usual, it works. By the time we reached the 8th frame, the game was taking on the length of an epic novel, with scores of a preschool class. Still, I was having fun, although I was confused by most of the other's conversations.

I have another friend who's been sober for well over 10 years now, and he's said that he doesn't like to hang out with friends in bars as it becomes such a turn off. I understand where he's coming from, but as gay men, we've got one major thing against us. The majority of our social support network is done primarily in the bars. All of the sporting teams have recruiting events in the bars and taverns, the running group has social nights at the different bars, and most of the bars support the teams financially. Where do the sober queers go on a Friday night, if not to a bar?

Back in Cleveland, the friends of "Bill" would all hang out at the same restaurant after the meetings, slurping down coffee like it was a bottle of single malt. Yet, some of them would go to the local bar after the meeting, as a way of socializing with other gay men. It's the equivalent of putting a plate of food in front of me right now.

I've got nothing against gay bars (and in fact I like drinking, and look forward to having wine with that fore mentioned burger, potato, salad, and pie), but maybe the time has come for gay men and lesbians to find other alternatives to socializing. Either that, or there is going to be a lot more people making friends with "Bill".

Patrick - 3:01 PM -