The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Visitors

Tuna has visited my house three times since I moved to New York, and two of those times I've ended up having unexpected, and somewhat unwanted visitors.

My first visitor was in June, when Tuna had come out to visit during Pride. We had been experiencing a significant amount of rain, and my visitor was having flooding problems in his apartment. Thankfully my superintendent had sprayed recently, and the roach was nearly half dead when he came in under the door. Tuna finished him off with her shoe.

Last week, the weather finally took a temperature drop and while Tuna and the family were visiting, a mouse has decided to try and make my apartment it's new home. Uh-huh. Homo don't play that. It was me against NIMH and I've got modern pesticides on my side! I went out and bought $40 in poison and put it all under the radiator where it came from. All was good again until two nights ago, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

***Fuck***

Another trip to the store and I had bought $20 in glue traps, which I placed in a long strip along the narrow opening of the radiator cover (Yes...I know they can be inhumane...but it's him or me people!). Yesterday morning, no mouse was around. Life was good again, and I hoped it would be the last I would see or hear of it.

Until last night. I had just returned from my run and was sitting reading a book, when I saw something again in my peripheral vision near the radiator. I dreaded what I already knew to be true, but took my shoe off and threw it into the direction of the stairway (which is right next to the radiator). Nothing happened, but I sat there and stared.

Nearly a minute later I saw the black hairy mouse JUMP OVER THE GLUE TRAPS and scurry under the radiator cover. I screamed like a little girl, and once I was able to get my composure enough to get down from standing on my chair, I put my shoes on and left the apartment. Once again, I went out and bought more glue traps, and placed them in a second layer in front of the first. "Try to jump over two you little shit!" I thought.

At 1:00 AM this morning, I heard movement from the plastic glue traps, and I filled with dread. Now I should have just gotten up in the middle of the night, and threw the trap out, but that would have meant actually TOUCHING THE TRAP! Something I wasn't actually prepared to do, especially at 1 am, so I stalled. The mouse, continuing to try and get off the glue, dragged the trap along the floor by trying to jump off all night.

My clock went off at 5:00 am and I went down to survey the damage. I could see only its hind legs on the trap as he had pulled the majority of the trap into the darkness under the radiator, attempting to get to safety. I reached down to pull the trap out from under the radiator, and froze. I just couldn't do it without having had a shower first.

I'll admit it...I was afraid. Those little fuckers freak me the hell out, and the hairs on my arms were standing at complete attention. I realized I would have to take a shower and make a pot of coffee first. However, finally I pulled out 4 Hefty trash bags (yes 4) so I could just collect mouse and trap without having to look at any of it. I approached the trap and surveyed the site for my attack. The fucker was no longer there. He pulled himself out from the glue and is once again free. I got dressed this morning standing on my chair.

Today I call an exterminator.

Patrick - 2:19 PM -

---