The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Pacific Rim

I'm an ass man...or at least I'm supposed to be as my sexual talents place me in the top bunk at a sleepover (call it control issues), but when I find a man attractive, it's rarely the ass I notice first, but rather his face. Eyes, nose, jawline, sideburns, teeth...they all do it for me. Rarely do I notice the ass first, except yesterday, while finishing my Christmas shopping.

First of all...Amazon sucks my ass. I ordered something for the Tunadaughter online and out of the blue I get an email saying her present won't arrive until February 27th. That's nearly my birthday! Fuck that...thus I cancelled the order. Now I knew where I needed to go, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, so instead, I entered the Barnes and Noble bookseller. Wandering the children's section, I searched for an appropriate book.

Do you ever notice how childless people are treated in the children sections of the bookstores? It's like the sales people and other parents watch every single move you make, in the event you are a predator. It's like being in a group shower in the gym and watching all the guys looking to see who's not keeping their eyes to themselves. I wasn't finding anything, and was tired of having the sales people follow me around, thus I left for the bad place.

I went to the most unholy of all places. FAO Schwartz toy store...the week before Christmas! You might as well sent me to the fires of Murdor to destroy the "One Ring" (which they sell there for $400). Running everywhere, were whiney, snot nosed, screaming that they "can't live without" that children. I was in hell, and hating every moment of it. I purchased the game "Operation" and bolted out of the store, hopefully knocking over a demanding spoiled brat on my way out the door. Lots of kids deserve coal this year.

Relaxing as I deeply inhaled the car and exhaust fumes of the city, I realized I was standing in front of the Apple store, where I could easily get an I-tunes gift card. How hard could it be, right? Walk right in, grab a card and make the purchase. Yeah right. On a normal day that would be the case, but this is the week before Christmas and people are fighting for that new Ipod.

I walked into the glass enclosed cube, and made my way down the high tech looking glass stairway. I love the use of the modern materials and found a pit of hell in the basement. People were every where, and checkout lines had at least 60 people waiting. I grabbed the gift card and waited patiently to pay for my purchase. Cut to a year older, when I finally had my receipt in hand, I pushed and shoved my way base to the staircase. About two steps up, the guy in front of me tripped on the steps and just caught himself in time. For that brief moment, all people in the store had disappeared, and all that was still in existence was me, and the most perfect ass in front of me.

I was speechless. Khaki covered and perfectly sculpted, you could have bounced a quarter off of the supple cheeks that had enough lift that to pass the pencil test. I realized that the new Trojan war will start over this perfect "Helen" and that I had now been blessed by his beauty. I would never be the same. My eyes traced the back of his buttock and down his muscular legs to the calf I so wanted to trace with my tongue. This guy had to be a runner with calves like that.

I secretly dreamed of holding that calf in the air and kissing the inside of his knee as I brought this man to a whole new level of pleasure. I was intent on making sure his needs were met, and this was all within the few seconds of seeing him. I knew I wanted to see more, and looked forward to seeing him at the top of the stairs, but for now I continued to enjoy the view in front of me.

That was when I tripped on the circular stairs. Who the fuck designs circular stairs made of GLASS? YOU CAN BARELY SEE THEM! As I fell forward, I tried to grab the railing, but my hand was holding the present for Tunadaughter. Instead I still fell forward, until my face landed squarely into the object I had been worshipping only a moment before.

Yes, my face landed right into his ass.

The world changes when you have a face full of Ambercrombi and Fitch khaki pants. Things get peaceful...the just before the tsunami hits, or the earthquake happens. Everything grew quiet. The scent of fabric softener (thankfully) penetrated my nostrils and I tried to get my footing back. A person walking down the stairs helped me stand back up and reality came crashing back. The guy in front of me had also been knocked over by my kissing his ass, so I helped him up as well.

All I could think was "So sorry. I wasn't planning on rimming you yet", but instead I just offered an "I'm sorry" as the perfect sculpted ass walked the rest of the way up the stairs.

Good-night, good-night! parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good-night till it be morrow.

Patrick - 12:38 PM -