The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Explaining Why He Won't Call

Recently, my friend received a breakup email from his boyfriend crushing my hiss love hopes...or at least his chance at getting a really nice Valentines Day present. The fact that it was done over email pissed off my friend the most.

Breakups are a bitch to go through, yet we are all doomed to go through them. It's the plight of being single. Eventually...you're going to get dumped...dumped like the trash on the curb. But at the age of 36...it still hurts. Mainly because it's never done right.

A few months ago, someone I knew said "We should go to a movie. I'm helping a friend move on Saturday morning, but I'll give you a call afterwards." By Saturday evening, it was obvious that he wasn't going to call, and I now had my previously scheduled evening free.

Was I pissed off? Hell yes...I could have made other plans! Instead...I wondered to myself, "Why won't he call?" Which happens to be a plight of a lot of women out there, because one of my top search phrases is "why won't he call?" For those women who want to know the answer? He's not interested, but he tried to spare your feelings and said "I'll call you."

But there should be rules to follow after we leave our teen years! We're in our 30's for God's sake! What's wrong with just saying "I'm sorry...but I just don't see this going anywhere and think we shouldn't see each other anymore"? Rejection is part of the process, and telling someone you'll call them (when you won't) or sending them a breakup email is just bad form. By adulthood...we've all had our hearts broken...so be an adult and just cut the losses.

And that's my mantra...until I found myself in a situation dating someone I found I just didn't like. I'll call him "Canyon" (because of certain wide open spaces). He's a nice guy...who really liked me...a lot. I grew distant and thought he would take the hint, but he still called. He left messages, and I never returned them.

I look back and wonder why I didn't just say..."I'm sorry...but I just don't see this going anywhere and think we shouldn't see each other anymore"? Because I didn't want to feel like the ass that hurt his feelings. Instead I just blew him off, where he eventually got the hint.

I should learn my own rules better. Or perhaps it's true that men never really do grow up?

Patrick - 1:27 PM -

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