The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fashion Cents

One thing that always used to tick my Ex off about me was when we would go shopping. I can go through a store, pick up a hundred different things, try things on, remark at how nice something would be to own, and leave the stores without purchasing anything. It made him nuts, as he would leave the same mall having spent $200 and I'd walk out having only purchased a lunch.

Truth be told...I just never got the gay shopping gene. I can look at stuff, but really don't care to purchase things that much, yet every once in a while I realize it's time to purchase a few items. Like denim jeans. The last pair of jeans I bought was in the summer of 2005. A pair of "luxury" Levis 529, in a slightly faded color. I call them luxury jeans because they cost $45.

Some of you scoff and say that $45 isn't that much, but for me it is. All my other pairs of jeans are pairs that I purchased while I was still in high school, when denim still cost $25 a pair. In fact, while shopping this weekend, I was wearing a pair of Circa 1984 Lee jeans. Yes...they still fit. Tapered leg and all.

It was time to go shopping, and I thought, why not look at several stores and see what I like. I started on the East side of town, walking into a store called Bergdorf Goodman. I'll state for the record that I had never been in this store before, nor did I know it is considered very high end. All I wanted to get was a black belt. I'm still wearing the same belt I've been wearing for the past 7 years, six sizes too big.

Entering the department, I found the belts, and picked out a wide black one that would work with both jeans and dress pants. I took it to the sales lady and had her ring up the sale. She quoted me a price of $800.

I laughed out loud and asked her to clarify. (I honestly hadn't looked at the price before hand.)

She once again quoted the price. I turned and walked out of the store in search of a Gap. I've lived in Athens, Ohio where whole cows have cost less than that belt! Fuck...I bought an entire leather harness for $70!

I spent the rest of the day in SOHO shopping for jeans. I learned several definitions:

Slim Fit - Only for men that have no ass.

Skinny Fit - Only for men that have no ass or legs.

Boot Cut - Think bell bottoms post 80's.

Straight Cut - Loose enough that you can at least touch your toes (especially after Slim and Skinny Fit).

Relaxed Fit - These make short men look like they just crapped their pants.

Regular rise - sits below the waist.

Low rise - Showing a few pubes.

Super low rise - Might as well just let your dick hang out as the top is already showing.

What surprised me the most though, was the cost. Why would anyone spend $178 for a pair of freaking jeans? Seriously...I just don't get it. Sew a fucking alligator onto an article of clothing and you can mark up the price 400%.

I could understand an innovative design...but a polo shirt? Same floppy collar, same three buttons, and same material and color. Target price $19, Lacoste price $89. My track shoes nearly cost that much!


I think I had an epiphany this past weekend. I'm going to design a spotlight graphic, and have my grandmother (who was a seamstress) do the embroidery design. I'm then going to sew that damn spotlight onto each and every item of clothing I own. When people ask me about it...I'll say it's a one of a kind original. I'm going to buy 1000 shirts and stick that logo onto them and sell them at the boutiques for 6 times what I pay for them.

Personally I'd rather have the "gay single and paying my bills gene" as opposed to the "gay fashion gene".

Patrick - 1:59 PM -

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