The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Revisiting Vietnam

Over this past weekend, I declared the Vietnam war active once again and I'm now on the hunt for Charlie. Now before you start organizing a protest, let me make my case as to why it's time to go to war.

A young Vietnamese "friend" of mine contacted me on Thursday evening and asked if I would attend an event with him at the gay community center. He wanted to go to the Speed Dating event for men in their 20's and 30's, but preferred a friend go with him.

Now I'm the first to admit...I'm not really a speed dating kind of guy. I like to get to know a person for while before I start making out with them. Three minutes isn't nearly a long enough time (Silence Tunagirl...you know too much). However, I know what it's like to not have a wing man with you, so I decided to do something selfless and join him.

The day before the "dates", my friends from Provincetown came to the city and we spent most of the night out partying and cavorting, so I was exhausted by Saturday afternoon. In fact, I looked downright haggard, and would have stayed home that evening, but since I had agreed to meet my friend...I showed up with bags under my eyes. Bags larger than most carry on luggage. I looked awful. But this was about my friend...not me.

At 7:30 pm, I arrived at the community center, and saw that my friend was also waiting. The speed dating was not starting until 8pm, so we discussed the logistics of how it works. All the men are paired up and get 3 minutes to speak. The lights are flashed to let you know that the 3 minutes are finished, then the men move onto the next person. This goes on for over an hour. Once this is completed, each man turns in his list of men he'd like to meet again. If you and someone else list each other as someone they would like to see again, a mutual match occurs and you are both given each other's contact info. It seemed fairly straight forward, and all we had to do was enter the room.

But my friend was getting cold feet. I tried to convince him to go in the room, and two other men also joined me. My friend finally got the courage and said yes...so I walked in, paid my $20 and sat down. When I looked back...

MY...VIETNAMESE...FRIEND...HAD...LEFT...ME!!!

I was stuck there, and as the kickoff bell rang, I was introduced to my first "date". My evening highlights?

A 20 year old stock boy who still lives with his mom.
A 47 year old musician (they did say 20's and 30's event didn't they?).
A psychotherapist who looks 12 years old.
A screen writer who took a call during the three minute date.
A man I tricked with who couldn't quite remember where he had met me before.
The postage stamp collector.
A mortician.
The Spanish teacher.
A figure skater (I thought those guys were straight).

The night just wouldn't end, and it wasn't until I neared the end of the dates that I realized I needed to put down a few numbers of people I might want to see again. The thing was...I wasn't that into any of them that much...but who wants to leave a speed dating event without any matches.

Tattoo me with the "L" for loser and get it over with. So I quickly put some numbers down. I ended up getting 4 matches...and now I have to date them. I think my Vietnamese friend needs to pay for these dates! Yes...Charlie may be able to hide in the urban jungle...but not forever. And when I find him...I'm going to Napalm his ass.

Patrick - 10:08 AM -