The Former Traveling Spotlight
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Original content© Patrick Doyle 2003-2017 all rights reserved
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Friday, April 13, 2007
chaka khan
In the summer of 2005, Tunagirl and and I were at the Trader Joe's market on the Cape, when I purchased a 1/2 pound of milk chocolate. I handed the chocolate to Tunagirl and as I handed the cashier the money I informed her it was a PMS medical emergency. Surprisingly, Tunagirl did not take a swing at me for that comment. PMS is a bitch, and I don't envy women who suffer from it.
After my surgery this past September, I was on a strict liquid diet, and was surviving, but on very little calories. To up the calorie intake, I consumed milk chocolate in mass quantities. Usually 1 or 2 chocolate bars a day (since October 21st). Big chocolate bars. Like 1200 calorie chocolate bars. Those extra calories have kept me going and slowly gotten my weight back to what I weighed pre-surgery.
However, I've noticed something in the past few weeks. I've become an addict. It was bound to happen. My deceased father was an alcoholic and a smoker, so the addictive traits were in my genes. If you set a piece of chocolate in front of me...I will eat it. In fact, while at a recent stage production, I saw an actor eating M&M's on stage, and my mouth started to salivate. If I could have sneaked on stage and stole the candy, I would have.
A week ago for dinner, I had a chocolate bar and a glass of chocolate milk. I'm out of control, and realize that I have no power over chocolate anymore. Chocolate controls me. I want to drop to my knees and worship the anatomically correct chocolate Jesus, nibbling at pieces while basking in its beauty. GOD BLESS CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
Yeah...I need a twelve step program. Of course, one doesn't exist for this type of addiction. Therefore, I'm starting one. I'm going to call this new organization Chocolahoics Anonymous. CHOC-A is going to rid the world of chocolate addictions one menstrual cycle at a time. Dentists will rejoyce as cavity rates plummet with the average waistline.
And we will have meetings...nay huge gatherings! Thousands of people everywhere are going to meet at the annual convention called Choc-A-Con!
Now if you excuse me. I've got to clear my desk of a couple of candy bars I've not eaten yet. It would be a shame to waste them...and it is lunch time.
Patrick - 11:30 AM
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