The Former Traveling Spotlight
The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.
Original content© Patrick Doyle 2003-2017 all rights reserved
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007
WASTE
Friends, Homos, and other readers of this site, please forgive me for I have sinned. Last night, I had the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of a heterosexual woman, and I fully understand now why so many are miserable. Men are the problem.
Last night, I went to the gym to do my leg workout. I got onto the leg extension machine, set the weight to the proper poundage and performed my first set. A dark haired man asked if he could work a set in while I was resting, and without hesitation I obliged. With each extension of his legs, I could see the his quads bulging, and I slowly brought my eyes up towards his face, only to see him staring at my crotch. Yeah...it was kind of obvious he was interested, but the "cat and mouse" game has to be played.
By the time we had gotten to leg curls, I had his name. That was when he asked me to "spot" him on the leg curls. I know...it's a machine...but hey...he was trying. We moved on to squats where he and I spotted each other for nine sets (currently my ass huts so bad, I can barely sit on my chair at work). It was during the last set, that he asked if I wanted to go back to his place.
I said yes...don't judge me. I have a reputation to live up to!
We went back to his place his beautifully decorated apartment in the West 70's (that should have been my first sign), and things were progressing nicely, albeit a bit fast. Fast as in, I had my coat off and he had his clothes off. Not a big deal really, and I took my shirt off. That was when it happened.
A tidal wave had somehow flooded his apartment, and as quick as it had happened...it was over. Seriously...my teenage boyfriend lasted longer. I was a mess and needed a shower. He directed me to the bathroom, where I got under the cleaning waters. That was when I noticed the foo foo soaps, and feminine products. This guy was likely straight and likely married. But I wasn't sure, until I went back into his bedroom.
He was sound asleep...proving he's a straight man. Gay men are more proficient in sex. If you both haven't had one...you're not done. Straight men finish and are finished.
Letting myself out of the apartment, I walked down the street and realized I needed to salvage the evening. I had just survived the Worst Almost Sexual Transaction Ever (forever to be known as WASTE) and knew I wouldn't be calling him again. So I stopped for Chinese takeout and a chocolate bar. Somehow...my dinner left me feeling more satisfied.
Patrick - 6:19 AM
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