The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, June 01, 2007

The Business of Pleasure

This year, I made a resolution to take some chances and do 5 things I would never normally do. Those things would not involve drunk dialing an ex 5 times in one evening to tell him not to call me anymore (and if you are said ex reading this...just delete those messages).

Thus, my Wednesday evening was spent at a gay business networking event. I've not mentioned this before, but I hate "networking". The whole concept makes me very uncomfortable. From the initial two minute what do you do speech, to the inevitable business card exchange (which leaves me feeling insecure as my job title and job duties never match), to the follow up that's required post meeting. That being said...I stuck to my resolution and decided to attend.

I should have stayed home.

In the past, the gym, the bars, and your friends were how you met new singles. Hell, I've slept with nearly all of my friend Brian's friends (god bless his Christmas parties). Both it seems as if singles have overused those venues and the pickings have become slim. Singles have become so desperate, we're bringing our quest for domestic bliss into the business world. Looking for a boyfried has taken the same tactics as looking for a job. We're in the business to get pleasured!

Upon arrival at the bar where this event was being held, I was asked if I was single by one of the organizers, a tall and pretty 20 something boi (yes...I hate that spelling as well, but if you had seen the organizer...you would describe him the same). Instantly a name tag with a green dot (to designate my availability) was placed on my chest with my favorite hobby. Usually they put down what you do for a living, but this was more exciting!

Now, I only hate one thing more than business networking. That's going to a bar by myself. It's physically painful. Part of the problem is that being alone in a bar requires that you fit in, look approachable enought to talk to, but not so desperate that you scare people off. To pass the time, I find myself staring at the door, like I'm waiting for my friend to arrive, all the while slamming my drink to pass the time. I hate going to bars alone. In fact...I'd rather go to church.

But this was business networking (read singles mixer) and I was there to meet people, make connections, and find a job that pays me enough that I don't need a second job bartending! So after a first round of vodka and cranberry, I started to talk to people. Everyone seemed pressured to meet a Mr. Right. The man who was going to fill the vacant position of "boyfriend" in their corporation. My first conversation involved a 60 year old gentleman who offered to tongue fuck my ass at the end of the event.

I moved to the outside patio. Even I have some standards.

Under the twilight sky, I spoke to way too many individuals and eventually found two skiers I had skied with over the past season. We spoke for a while and the conversation moved to the "let's go grab dinner" moment. I agreed and we all walked to a local eatery where we sat at at table for 5. I sat at the head of the table, and watched as the four others (two on each side of me) continued conversations. As I listened politely, I noticed chairs being moved closer, hands beginning to be held under the table, and enough flirtation to know where this evening was going for the four other gentlemen. In the span of 20 minutes, I was definitely the fifth wheel on a impromptu double date.

It's times like this that are made for emergency cell phone calls. However in my stupidity, I hadn't charged the phone enough, and didn't have enough power to text message a 911 to anyone I knew. I was trapped in "first date" hell with two sets of newlyweds. Am I happy that these guys found each other? Sure. I wasn't interested in any of them as anything more than friends, and lets face it. NYC can be a dateless and desperate world, but it does make for some awkward silences at a dinner table.

I think thing I'll do that is something I normally wouldn't do is go to a straight networking event. Perhaps at a straight bar. I'm sure I'd have better luck finding business contacts and less pressure to sleep with anyone.

Patrick - 12:18 PM -