The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

My Apologies

Dear Mr. Kinda Cute Blond Architect that just moved to NYC a few months ago,

My friend and I met you last night, and sent you a vodka cranberry (which also happens to be my drink of choice). Normally I'm not that aggressive...although people who read this site may think otherwise, and I don't want you to think that I send drinks to most people. You seemed cute and you were alone, so I figured "what the hell"!

Our conversation seemed to flow well, and I did learn that you were an architect that just moved here. That being said, I should tell you that I'm not eating solid food yet. In fact, I'm not consuming much more than 700 calories a day. Additionally I had three vodka cranberries. Therefore, I'd like to say I remember your name, or anything else we may have discussed, but to be honest...not a thing is coming to my mind. I also remember coming over and continuing our conversation with my friend and I, but when we left, I don't remember if I said goodbye to you.

If and when we see each other again (when I get out of rehab), I will likely not remember you. So please don't be offended when I don't say hello.

Sincerely,
Patrick

******


Dear Mexican Buss boy at the restaurant,

I was the drunk guy that got sick in the bathroom. Thankfully, I made it in the toilet...I think. If I missed...I'm sorry.

Thanks for packing up the dinner to take home.

I promise I'll never come back.

Sincerely,
Patrick

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Dear Cab Driver,

First, thank you for taking me home. If it wasn't for you, I'd have slept on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. I have no clue how you understood where I lived, as I'm sure I slurred my address out.

Additionally, I'd like to apologize for having to make you drive back to the restaurant because my friend forgot his bag. I'm sure that was a pain, having me passed out waiting in the cab, only to declared my love for you. You took it like the professional that you are. Hopefully the rest of your night was just as easy.

Did we pay you?

Sincerely,
Patrick

******


Dear Upper West Side Neighbors,
Those screams you heard last night were not someone getting mugged. It was only me "wooo-hooo"-ing in my drunkenness. Thankfully, that was probably preferred to the sounds of my next door neighbor's loud sex.

I'm sorry that your dogs started to howl with me.

Sincerely,
Patrick

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Dear Friend who encouraged me to drink with him last night,

When I woke up this morning, I realized that I wasn't alone in my bed. Before looking over to see who it was, I checked that I was still wearing my underwear. Thanks for being a gentleman. You were a gentleman...right?

Sorry I drooled on you in my sleep.

Sincerely,
Patrick

******


Dear liver,

My bad. Don't quit on me.

Sincerely,
Patrick

Patrick - 2:24 PM -

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