The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Mathematics

By the time I started high school, I had discovered something about myself. I detested math. Division, subtraction, word problems...it all sucked. So it shouldn't surprise anyone that I majored in a subject requiring the least amount of mathematics in college. I've taken my one term of "business calculus" and remember none of it to this day.

It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I realized that mathematics explained nearly everything about the single population. Last night, I discovered a new mathematical law.

The law of Direct Proportion Copulation
The lower the attractiveness of a gay male is directly related to the insulting nature of his opening line, and to the likelyhood of his getting laid.

For instance, if an attractive man approaches someone in a bar, he may start his conversation with "Hi. My name is..." He listens to the person he is talking with, gets to know the name of his target, and as is often the case, suggests that they take the conversation elsewhere (like his apartment).

Last night, the attractive man was not at the bar I was at. I know this, because a revolting troll of a man sat down in the seat next to me and said ""Wow...you're comb-over is different than mine."

***Blank Stare of Death***

Rarely am I at a loss for words. This would have been one of those times. The only comeback I could even think of (nearly 12 hours later) was "Donald Trump is my hero".

Keep using that line buddy. It's gonna be a long time before you get a piece of ass.

Patrick - 1:28 PM -

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