The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Poop Scoops

When I was a child, I was fond of playing games with other kids on grassy knolls. It Tag, Red Rover, Catch and many other games. The grassy areas were the safe places kids could congregate without the inteference of cars. But every child learned one very important golden rule when it came to playing in the grass.

Avoid the dog shit at all costs.

You may be having the best time playing ever, but one step in that dog pile and your day is going to go way down hill. You'll suffer for not being aware of your surroundings. And each time you go back to that grassy area, you check to see if the shit has decomposed and disappeared yet. Once gone...the spot is now safe again.

I find living as a single man in New York is a lot like playing in that grassy field. Relationships are the game that we singles play, but when we lose, the shit is everwhere. Suddenly the city is full of piles, places that we can't visit in fear that we'll run into "him". Things we can't participate in because those were things that bring back the memories. Special dates and places that have significance. It can get to the point where you have to hang out in an entirely different neighborhood, and take a different subway route home.

Eventually, just like in the grassy knolls, the shit piles disappear. Yet sometimes there are some piles, some emotional landmines that just never go away. You see "him" walking down the street, and rather than run into him, you dive into the bodega and start buying stuff until you see he has passed. It's better to buy 20 candy bars, 4 newspapers, and a container of Pringles potato chips than actually have to speak to him on the street.

Always avoid the shit is what we learned as kids. What we should have learned is "Pick up the shit."

It's time we singles started picking up our shit. Did you see him and you feel like running? Invite the big turd for dinner and use the meal as a time to instill an inquisition. Put him in his place (politely...unless he deserves worse) and confront him on the feelings you have. Once that shit is gone...you again have a grassy knoll to play on.

Somebody hand me my poop scoop. I'm in a cleaning mood.

Patrick - 12:58 PM -

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