The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

So Much For My Happy Ending!

I hurt. I'm in pain.

No. Not the emotional pain that comes from a breakup, or from having an abusive father and a crazy grandmother, or the kind of pain that says "Oh shit...do I have enough money to pay rent?" Ummm...ok well that stuff is true too, but seriously, I'm in pain.

Saturday, I did a major leg workout. I usually don't work out legs very hard, as I naturally build leg muscles very easily and often have difficulty fitting into my pants if I work legs too much. But since it was "Major leg workout" day, I decided to do all the leg machines. This included the "Torture Machine of Death".

The adductor machine.



Who the fuck actually created this medevil torture device and WHY DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY USE IT? Seriously. Strap yourself into a machine that spreads your legs wide open, then using what little strength you have left (as this machine encourages pulled groin muscles) to close your legs.

This machine is made for women...and bottoms. Yet I did my four sets increasing in weights each set.

And today...I hurt. Opening my legs further than an inch is akin to bearing a child. Thank god I don't have a gynecologist appointment. But this machine has me aching (literally) to see a professional.

A professional masseuse. And luckily, I have a gift certificate for a massage at a men's spa in Chelsea. A men's spa that's full of hot men giving massages. My problem?

How do you tell a professional massuse that you need him to massage the muscle on your inner thigh, particularly the area right next to your ball sack without having them think you are looking for a happy ending?

Fuck.

Patrick - 2:27 PM -

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