The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Taking Three Pricks Simutaneously

Provincetown. Day number 1.

It's been nearly a year since I was last here, and it's a little like coming home. Back to the town where everyone knows your name, and has stories to tell about you. Tales of outrageousness that grow taller each time you hear them told.

"Remember Patrick? He made $18,000 in tips that he used to move to NYC!" Yes...I've become a legend in the restaurant where I used to work.

Tunagirl and I started our day yesterday by going to my old restaurant, where one of my old coworkers and I caught each other up on the past year. Broken fingers, two surgeries, introductions the Jeff Stryker, and why yes...I am still single. And then my coworker says to me:

Did you see that they are giving free STD tests in the center of town? You should go there!

***Blank stare***

This year, the Men's health project was in the center of town giving free STD tests to anybody who wanted them. I didn't know this at first, but my former coworker thought of me. How nice.

Walking down the street with Tuna, we ran into some old customers of mine. "Pat Doyle! Oh my God you look great! Did you see they are giving free STD tests in town today?" Do I have "whore" tattooed on my forehead or something? Don't anybody answer that.

During dinner, I slyly spoke in Italian to our Spanish speaking bartender. It's a trick I learned. Most Spanish speaking people understand Italian, and visa versa. It looks impressive to non Spanish speakers and it's a great way to flirt. However it was in Spanish that he asked if I had stopped by the STD testing tent in town.

Tuna and were walking towards the Crown and Anchor when this person stops me on the street and asks if I'd like to get tested? I wasn't sure if I really wanted tested when Tunagirl pushes me into a seat, "Yes. He wants the works."

Before I can say anything else, I'm injected with two needles in my right shoulder while a nurse is taking blood from my left arm. Two vaccinations for Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B, and an HIV and syphilis test later, I'm dragged to a screened off area to give a urine sample for Gonorrhea and several other STD's. That's Massachusetts health care...very thorough.

Post testing, four guys and myself were all waiting for our paperwork when I started chatting them up. The cutest from Toronto Canada (nice ass...eh?) was asking what my plans were for the rest of the evening. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Tunagirl standing there, a little slack jawed. Mr. Canada and I were getting chummy, and the nurse had just handed me a towel with the words "on me...not in me" written on it. My Canadian friend liked that implication.

As I walked away from the testing center, Tuna Girl looks at me and says, "Only you could pick up a guy at the free STD testing clinic".

Guilty as charged.

Patrick - 8:44 AM -

---