The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Through a Window

I often hear gay rights advocates announcing the fact that we gay and lesbian people are no different than our heterosexual counterparts. We just happen to be attracted to persons of the same sex. However, I'm not so sure that's true.

I was one of the lucky few who came out at an early age, and therefore am comfortable with myself and with my gayness. That being said, I'm not a heterosexual, and I find the longer I live, the less the heterosexual world intersects with my own.

Seriously...how many gay men in their 30's feel comfortable in a straight bar? The last time I went (on Saint Patrick's day), I felt completely alienated, a spy brought in to see how the heterosexuals behave. Straight men, overcome with lust for the largest breasts they could find, and straight women who had to go to the bathroom in groups, and actually took care of each other (ensuring that none were so drunk to get gang raped). And the bar itself. No techno music? I was lost.

But the area that most alienates me is not the straight bar (which admittedly, I'd rather never step foot into again), but rather the area of parentage. Raising children fascinates me. I used to have dreams of adopting children (granted I was in my 20's and in a relationship) and raising them, but besides the fact that I'm alone and in my 30's, not to many agencies are willing to let cancer survivors who are still high risk adopt. Thus...my only option is to be the "gay uncle".

Being the uncle, I get to play straight for a few days. Take kids to places I would never attend (a single guy in the playground? Call the police). Toy stores, playgrounds, fast food establishments and restaurants with children's menus. This is how the other half lives! Still...I find myself an outsider, looking through the window of what the "regular" world goes through.

Not to mention, when I see my fellow homo brethern, I find them looking at me either perplexed, or worse...with disdain. Having children with me makes me look like the creepy "straight" guy who cheats on his wife. I see the look on their faces and I recognize it, because I give the same look to "straight" fathers I see cruising me.

Are we different? I think so. We may not choose to be gay, but we do choose to dissociate ourselves with the straight world we live in, embracing a sub-culture instead.

Now if you excuse me, since Tuna and the kids have left, I need to have gratitious amounts of gay sex to reaffirm who I am.

Patrick - 12:03 PM -

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