The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Howling

During the first semester of theater school, all newly admitted students were required to take a class called "Studio". We all called the class "Studio Hell". 5 days a week, four hours a day of intensive "ripping you a new one" training. Our sadist...I mean teacher would pick a name out of a hat, and if your name was picked...you were going on the stage to do a monologue.

Performing your monologue wasn't that bad...it was the instructor's attack that followed that had you nearly wetting your pants. Imagine being onstage for 40 minutes having a man yell at you, throw garbage cans, make you do push-ups, and generally get you to the emotional place you needed to be to perform the role. Psychological trauma at it's best. No wonder so many of us went into therapy.

Because I was a natural comedian, I was always told to do more serious monologues, to help me work on my weaknesses. My first monologue was a man's confronting his wife about her infidelity. The man, was supposed to be beyond angry, and I'll admit it...I sucked performing the piece. I was awful.

For the next two hours, my professor did everything he could think of to piss me off. He would tell my classmates (by whispering in their ear) to point and laugh at me. He had me shine his shoes, rearrage the furniture until I was out of breath, complain that he couldn't hear me well enough and when I'd shout, tell me to keep it down.

He made me so mad, I let out a howl that people in the offices on the first floor of the building heard. I threw things and my face was so red, my classmates were afraid I was about to have a stroke. That scream was truely the loudest sound I have ever made in my life!

Until Yesterday.

I was walking home from a late night out with friends, wearing my shorts and summer sandles. As I walked past the garbage bins of my building, a cockroach ran across my bare foot.

That scream you all heard last night was me. Sorry.

Patrick - 11:12 AM -

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