The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Indications of a Great Vacation

Actual conversations had during my vacation in Provincetown:

Byrne: You got grabby while at the restaurant yesterday night!
Me: We went to a restaurant? I was about to ask why we didn't get food...

*****

Middle Aged Woman: Excuse me. Where did you get all those beads you're wearing?
Me (said with a straight face): I earned them.
Middle Aged Woman: (nervous giggle)Oh...I'm not going to ask how you earned them...but I hope you had fun.
Me (wiping the corners of my mouth): Believe me...I did. You can buy some down the street though.

*****

While speaking to 9 lesbians traveling together:

Me: I think lesbians find the best boyfriends.
Lesbian One: What's your type?
Me: Single, athletic, and breathing would be good.
Alpha Lesbian (and softball pitcher): You heard him...Go!
(lesbians all scatter)...ten minutes later
Lesbian group: Patrick, meet Adam, Michael, Alex, and Steve. They are each going to be your boyfriend.

*****

Guy 1: That's a great swimsuit!
Guy 2: We've got to get going and walk the dogs.
Me: I love dogs.
Guy 1: You should come over and visit them if you're up for a good petting. You can play with the dogs too.
Me: I've got nothing againt heavy petting.

*****

Waiter: Here's your salad. You're my last table. Once I close your tab, we can head out of here back to my place.
Me: Here's my credit card, can I have this to go?

*****

Me: I realized something tonight. The more leather the guy is wearing, the more likely his heels are filled with helium.

*****

Me: (irritate in the pizza line) If you push any harder against me, I'm going to fuck you!
Guy: And that's a bad thing?

Patrick - 2:26 PM -

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