The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Succubus

When referring to my own life, "restraint" is something I don't think of often. Restraints...yes, but the actual act of restraining myself (of holding back)...well that's something I just don't do to often. Hell this website could likely be listed at "Too Much Information".

Yet, I did something new this week. I held back and didn't blog about the one thing that has been on my mind, the one thing that would have made for such incredible blogging material. I just couldn't do it...until now! Christ...I've been dying to write this.

Last week, I along with my usual companions went out for happy hour. And once again...happy hour is never an hour...but for some reason, it's always happy. Since I hadn't eaten all day, I chose to drink beer (as it's harder to consume large quantities) and hopefully I'd make it home without making a complete fool of myself. It's about pacing people...and beer is the one thing I can pace easily.

Cut to a few hours later, and some additional friends have shown up. The conversation is going like usual, except that certain patron of the bar is giving me the eye. I know this eye. I've given this eye. The eye that says "Nice shoes...wanna fuck?" I like that eye. Now given that this particular person was in his early 20's made it only more flattering.

My night continued with my getting to know this young lad, while continuing to consume beer. It was at this point that my new friend suggested we go back to my apartment. Now I am going to admit something. I am one of the few single guys I know, and if someone I find attractive asks to come home with me, I'm going to say yes (provided I'm wearing the correct underwear, don't have house guests, and my place is tidy). Systems were a go, and we went back to my place via cab.

Now, to protect any reputations (and to discredit mine a bit), nothing happened while my new guest was visiting. We decided to just sleep together. No sex. I almost felt straight. I ended up falling asleep in his arms around 11:30.

6:00, my alarm went off because I had forgotten to shut it off before bed. I jumped out of bed and shut it off, and turned back ready to apologize to my houseguest of the evening. Strangely...my houseguest wasn't in bed. He must be downstairs, I thought, and I went downstairs to say good morning. Except he wasn't there.

I went back upstairs, and his clothes were on my floor. I checked his jeans...and yes...his house keys were in his pants. I sat and blankly stared at the clothes and shoes. Did I murder him in my sleep and dispose of the body? Had I finally become a succubus, and consumed the boy for his youth, and only his clothes remained. I wasn't sure.

I got dressed and walked out of my building, looking for my likely naked houseguest outside. No sight of him. I continued to walk around the block, running into early morning dog walkers. I thought about asking them "did you see a naked man walking down this street?", but thought it might not be a very good idea. After canvassing the neighborhood for 2 hours, I went back to my apartment and back to sleep, as I was now officially hung over. I was just too tired to figure out this mystery.

Around 10:30, I hear the familiar humming sound that is my cell phone's vibrate ringer going off. I go downstairs and find the phone on my table. I had several voice mails and 6 text messages. The case of the missing man was solved, and Scooby Doo wasn't necessary.

Around midnight, my guest's cell phone rang, so he quickly got up and went to take the call. Now since his clothes were on the floor of my dark bedroom, and I live in a studio, he stepped outside into my building's hallway to take the call. When my door closed, it locked behind him, locking him out of my apartment! Youth may be all that, but with age comes wisdom. I would have at least worn my underwear in an unfamiliar building's hallway.

My guest pounded on my door, and called my cell phone trying to wake me, so I could let him back into my apartment. Sadly I couldn't wake up. I had had 6 beers people! I'm lucky I woke up in the morning.

When he couldn't wake me, he had to call one of his friends, and have his friend bring him some clothes and take him back to his apartment until I woke up and could give him his clothes back. Imagine one of your closest friends having to bring you some clothes because your naked in the hallway of a building, and praying that nobody else in the building comes home.

I sit here today, a number of days after the all of this had taken place and can only think one thing.

"Thank God this didn't happen to me!"

Patrick - 3:20 PM -

---