The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Itchy Scratch

When I was in my mid twenties, a friend had introduced me to a 37 year old man who I spent an evening taking around the city of Boulder Colorado. We toured several bars, and at one point we were discussing relationships. He said that no gay relationship lasts longer than 7 years. At the time, I had been dating the man I would eventually move in with, and move across the country with. So yes...I was offended. My boyfriend and I were going to be together FOREVER!!!! Fucker.

That boyfriend of course earned the title of "Ex" years later, and now here I sit, at the age of 37 and I'm hearing words spoken from my fellow gay men. Specifically, in regards to relationships and how they don't seem to remain monogamous after the 7 year point. What's happened?

Have we as gay men really become that jaded?

Yet, here I am, 37 and I can't think of a monogamous gay couple that's lasted longer than 7 years. Even the couples I thought were monogamous have admitted to having the occasional 3-way.

Yes, I know men are biologically programmed to fuck anything that moves, and I've heard all the "anti-establishment" rhetoric that says "We as gay people don't subscribe to your bourgeois "relationship rules"! We don't get married...we can define our own relationship rules!

Except do the new rules work? Hell hath no fury like a drag queen scorned, and let's face it...with testosterone and jealousy it's going to be a bumpy ride. That being said...I don't see the jealousy that much. Gay couples I know are so matter of fact about it. I've been approached more times than I'd like to admit by guys who are looking for the human sized toy for their toy chest. And yes, although it is flattering to get offered, and I have taken a few up on it (no Tuna girl...not the creepy guys we saw over pride fest), it does make me a little sad.

I've always hoped that I'd meet that one guy, and would know it's right for us to be together. We could build on something. I've never imagined that I would meet that pair of guys, or three guys, or entire sex club that I would fall in love with, and share a life with them.

Call me old fashioned...but if I saw my boyfriend (the rare occasions I have one) screwing someone on the side, I'm not sure Tuna girl could get here to stop a double homicide. (note...I am kidding here...I would not, nor have I ever committed a double homicide. The other guy might not know about me). And I sure as hell wouldn't join in. But I'd film it. I do have student loans to pay off.

Now if you excuse me...I'm about to leave for Provincetown. There are some relationships I need to break up.

Patrick - 3:50 PM -

---