The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Stinger

Up until now, I've refrained from saying much about Senator Craig and his trysts in airport bathrooms. Mainly because all this time I've been using the gym steam room. I likely would have continued to keep my mouth shut except that my coworker asked me if gay men really did hook up in bathrooms. My answer was "of course...if you were a closet case back in the 70's. Gay men just don't do that anymore."

But as I thought about it, prior events in my life reminded me that maybe those things do sometimes happen. And apparently, not all straight men know the signals. Since Senator Craig insists he is "not gay", he obviously needs to learn those signals, to insure he isn't caught in further sting operations.

Rules for Gay Public Sex

Bathroom Sex

Tapping your toes in a bathroom stall is the equivalent of a straight woman saying to a straight man "buy me a drink".
Grunting while taking a dump isn't.
Looking at the penis of the person standing at the urinal next to you is likely going to get you punched. Unless he's hard.
Putting your hand under the stall is not necessarily gay, as long as you ask the guy next to you to hand you some toilet paper.

Gym Locker room

Any eye contact lasting longer than .5 seconds is an invitation to have sex.
Carrying a towel while you wear a second around your waist is considered carrying a cum rag.
Going to the gym for four hours, but never once seeing the workout equipment, means you have ONE TIRED JAW! Not to mention some pruned skin.

Porno Store (ok...I'm not real familiar here but...)

Sticking your fingers into the hole in the booth wall means you want "glory hole" action.
Same goes for sticking your fingers in any hole.
Poppers for sale at these places should not be used at these places. By doing so, you might as well start walking in the gay pride marches.
You don't go into a video booth with someone else because you are trying to save on the cost of the movie.

The Bathhouse

Ok...if you are in this place...you haven't got a prayer to save your sorry ass. You're gayer than a three dollar bill, and you are definitely taking it like a man.

Patrick - 1:08 PM -