The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Making the Cut

Fashion and sex have many parallels, but the one thing sex has over fashion is that it's a lot more affordable. Walk into a Marc Jacobs store and if you are anything like me, you will likely be able to afford one item every other month...provided you don't eat. God bless Uniqlo and $25 jeans.

Getting dick in this town is much cheaper...mainly because of supply issues. You can find dick just about anywhere you go. You can get it in the gym, the bars, the neighborhoods...hell...you can even get Spotted Dick at the grocery store (however if you get spotted dick anywhere...and it's attached to a human, I'd suggest referring them to the free clinic). As a gay man, it's easy to get dick...and it's good.

Except.

What happens when the dick isn't that good?

Enter "Dr. Dirty" (because he likes talking dirty), a late 30's, very successful (i.e...no more student loans, owns a loft in Soho and a summer house on Fire Island), fascinating man who seems to have it all. He's got a career he's passionate about, and as a doctor, he's got job security. A great sense of humor, with an optimistic personality. He cooks for a hobby (and in fact has a culinary degree "for fun"), enjoys athletics, and has tickets to nearly every show in town. He's also uncut.

I mean really uncut. We're talking more than two handfuls of excess sausage casing, and I'm the first to admit this...I'm known for getting things caught in my teeth. So the first time, thankfully the lights were out. But just like when you feel a pimple on someones butt, the more you know it's there...the bigger it gets in your mind.

Now I'm not really against the uncut men...as I've had my share of them. Ok...so I may have had other people's share as well...but even for me, this monstrosity of excess is a bit much. Part of me is trying to think of ways to deal with it, while the other part of me is wondering how I could sneak a pair if scissors to the bedroom without his noticing. Hell, I could make a sling shot!

So sitting here today I'm wondering, is it time to just cut my losses?

Patrick - 1:49 PM -

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