The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Smell That?

Lots of things in this world have scents. Flowers are scented to attract insects and birds. Gay men are scented with gallons of cologne to attract other gay men (which is why you can reek when leaving a gay bar), and well, who doesn't like the pine fresh sent of industrial strength floor cleaner?

"Puff..."

But last August, I woke up to the most awful of smells. Sometime during the summer, my neighbors had taken up smoking, and the smell of second hand burning tobacco was wafting in my apartment as they were smoking right next to my window. Each morning, my apartment would reek of Marlboro Filtered, and each morning I would wake up gagging. So I had to do something.

"...the magic dragon..."

My first attempt was to put a fan in the window that would blow the air inside my apartment out the window, and towards the smoker. I thought it would work, but alas...I still woke up each morning to the smell of cigarettes.

"...lived by the sea..."

So in the spirit of Emeril Lagasse, I decided to "take it up a notch" and give those pesky neighbors of mine a taste of their own medicine. I put an fresh open bottle of poppers in front of the fan that would blow the smell of alkyl nitrites towards their new smoking spot. The results were fantastic. They stopped smoking outside my window...and although I can't confirm this...I think they started having more sex.

"...And frolicked in the autumn mist..."

After one night, I put the cap back on the bottle and forgot about it. Eventually they made my way upstairs to my bedroom. Now I'll be honest here...I hate poppers. They give me a massive headache, and my blood pressure is already low enough...I don't need anything that will lower it more. But I kept the things in my bedroom in the event I had a visitor (Tunagirl?) who might need them.

"...in a land called Honah Lee..."

Two nights ago, I mistakenly knocked that bottle off my loft's edge and onto the floor. A floor 6 feet below. Did you know that a bottle of popper will break when it falls 6 feet to the ground? Instantly my apartment was filled with the mind numbing scent of poppers. And 2 days later...I'm still high as a kite!

No wonder my sex dreams have been so vivid.

Patrick - 12:23 PM -

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