The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Word

Ok...so I'm alive. I'll start off with that. As to the particulars as to why I've not been blogging...well it's complicated.

Blogging about work when you work for another blogger...um...not a smart idea.

Blogging about the catering gigs I've been working when I've signed a confidentiality agreement...well...what exactly could they sue me for? It's not like I have any money.

That being said...a certain Puerto Rican singer *may* have had a pool party where ironically no woman was at. Hmmmm...perhaps the National Enquirer will contact me? I do have pictures.

But mostly...those are just excuses. I've had a lot on my mind...but not really anything I could share with others. I still have things going on...and eventually...I'll share...but for now...it needs to remain a little private.

My apologies for pissing anyone off or disappointing you. You can call me a bad person.

I've been finding it hard to speak lately. I'm normally a verbal person. To a fault. I've seen looks from friends at times that say "will he ever shut up?", and I'll still go on. Part of it is that I'm a verbal thinker. When hearing the words coming out of my mouth, it's my actual thinking process. This has hurt me in the past (just ask me about the job where my opinion on anything no longer mattered). Yet, my life is all I have at times and I'm willing to share it with my friends and family.

Except.

I've become afraid of a word. One mother fucking word. No...not Republican, not McCain, Not Palin (cunt...oops...sorry Tuna), not even grandmother (cunt...happy Ricker?). I've become fearful of one particular word that I can't seem to say in public. Because if I say it...I feel like I may jinx myself.

I've been seeing this guy since June. That's not new...I'm a serial dater. But my friends noticed the difference first. I didn't nickname him. I nickname every guy I date. Curve Ball Albino, Dirty Curry, Pirogi Boy, Tiny Tot...all nicknamed. It's the way my friends are able to distinguish what has become the Sex in the City soap opera of my life. So of course my friends were the first to notice I didn't nickname this guy I've been seeing. And it's how I've been referring to him. "This guy I've been seeing". All because I've too afraid to say the "B-Word" in public. It's been used in private, but using it in public puts expectations on it. Once you say someone is your boyfriend (Aggghhh...spins three times and knocks on wood), people expect things. And if it doesn't work out...you face the disappointment in their eyes for you.

So I have problems saying that word in public.

God help me if anyone mentions the "L" word. I do know how to shoot a gun.

Patrick - 12:34 PM -