The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Watching My Weight.

During a lot of my catering events, I've had a running joke. Most of the events I've worked are high end, often with ticket prices of $1,000 or more. It's ridiculous, and I've jokingly stated that somewhere out there is my rich gay husband. The security guards have pointed out the rich gay men, and the captains have often put the rich cute guys at my table. It's a funny fantasy.

So when it's a reality, it's not as funny. The boyfriend will always be at a higher income than I am. It's fair...he went to school for a very long time to get where he is...and I know I couldn't do what he does for a living. I can accept that, but suddenly I'm in a position where he's spoiling me a bit...and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I have been a fiercely independent person for most of my life. My philosophy has been if you can't afford don't get to have it. And that meant a ski trip that is on my birthday. It's not really a smart choice when I'm not employed full time and I haven't been able to even score an informational interview. I need to conserve money...perhaps take in a roommate...sell my body to science...not take a Vermont trip.

The boyfriend felt differently, and has generously paid my way for the trip. And I'm shell shocked. Rarely am I at a loss for words...but this moment is one of them. It's one thing if he had bought the trip and I could have paid for it on my own...but in this case, I'm not able to.

Yes...we will always be unequal in incomes, but taking a gift like this is a very difficult thing for me. I just don't want to be that guy. The one that says "I need new me them. I need a better me it. I want this...I want that." I don't want to look in the mirror and see that perceived kept man. I have this need and drive to pull my own weight...and this is an uncomfortable place for me.

Patrick - 9:26 PM -

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