The Former Traveling Spotlight

The tales of a "30" something gay former stand-up comic living in NYC who is searching for his soul mate or soul...which ever comes first.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Scott and Social Media

It's Friday night and I'm sitting here, working on a project for a class on how social media has changed society.  Yes..I'm living the dream!   In light of Scott Barnes' death, this takes a personal meaning as social media is how we met.

For those of you who don't know...I am The Traveling Spotlight, which makes me sound like some type of gay superhero on vacation.  Except I'm not wearing spandex (although I can leap on a tall man in a single bound).  The Traveling Spotlight was created as a way for me to clear my head post heartbreak, and perhaps get some comedy ideas, something I was trying to get back into after taking a hiatus.  My tagline was that I was "searching for a soulmate or soul...whichever came first".

Surprisingly I found the latter while writing the blog.  Sure, I got to work on some comedy ideas, and even got a few shows based on my writing, but surprisingly, I got a group of people who listened, offered advice and didn't judge.  Ok...they judged, but it only made me strive for better.  And in the first two years of my blogging in Cleveland, I found myself finding a group of people that were so ingrained in my life, I honestly have difficulty remembering when they weren't there.  I'm probably not the best at giving thanks, but  they were there for me, and I appreciate them.

Karen and her family offered me a home, when I was very close to approaching homelessness, but she likely doesn't know that the experience of getting back on my feet has changed me profoundly.  The kid who wouldn't amount to anything is moving in a direction now, and hopefully I can help other people in the future.

Byrne let me live on his floor for a month while I searched for an apartment here and we had only met in person a few times.  He's as much a brother to me as I could have being an only child.

Rob gave me my first job here, and Pua had sent me a t-shirt that ironically I was wearing when I lost that job.  I was sad that I let Rob down, but that t-shirt was like having a friend with me as I walked out of that office.  I'm still glad that Rob and I have remained friends.

I've watched Marc and Jess grow as a couple, and have been honored to both travel with them and visit their home.  When I was at my saddest and most depressed point of my  life, they held me as I cried.

And Scott was my sounding board, and I was his.  We would compare crazy ideas, share some of the most sarcastic comments, and talk through things.  He was the guy who would have woken up in jail next to me and say, "Well...least was pretty fun!"  I have 9 years of text messages between us saved on my cell phone, which has been bittersweet to read.  Breakups, boyfriends, anger management...from an outsider's point of view, we were some vicious queens that spared nobody, but it reality,  it was about seeing who could make the other crack up and actually call the sender of the text.  Case in point:

• Scott:  I woke up on the couch at 4am with the remains of a roasted chicken on my coffee table.  No plate... just a chicken on the table.
• Patrick:  I once woke up next to someone and had to ask if we had sex.  So was this "chicken" at least 18?

Patrick (1)

He once said to me that I had a talent of coming up with titles that made you have to read a blog posting....no matter how NSFW it was.  It was with this in mind that I started writing this post...something I've not done in years.

Scott Barnes has been with more naked men in my apartment than me.

It's true...I seen the photos.  He had contacted several models and set up photo shoots while I was at work.  I get back to see photos of naked men in my chair, my shower, my roof, next to my bed.  He could have thrown me a freaking bone and kept one around...but nope!

I spent the night with Scott, my back hurt for a week!

Our first in person meeting, I drove the 6 hours from Cleveland to Indianapolis to meet both him and his partner Jay.  They opened their apartment up to me, and I was never once nervous about meeting them.  Scary considering they could have been  murderers or power tops.  Instead I found gracious hosts that lent me their sofa and showed me the best of Indy.  There are nice spots.  Wow.

Scott wanted me to be fat

I had gotten out of surgery and wasn't allowed to eat anything solid, and I had lost a whopping 18 pounds.  I was pretty!  He sent Jodi and Kristin to visit me, one bringing a recipe book of soup, and the other bringing me juices.  Did you know that some soups go with juice?...Yeah...they don't....but I didn't care.  I loved both and those pounds came straight back to my ass.

Scott got me on my knees in front of 18 different men in one week and it cost me $2,000

Yes...and I was very tired afterwards.  Not that I'm a stranger to being on my knees, but this time it was different.  We had been talking about photography and I said I was interested in learning the skills, so he persuaded me to buy a camera, and sign up for a course.  During this course, I found I was having difficulty getting interesting shots of people.  He suggested I drop to my knees and take shots pointing upwards for a different angle.  This juxtaposed his own shots of taking pictures of men in somewhat submissive positions.  The shots I took turned out better than I thought...and got me a few "dates".

Scott pulled a Cher and turned back time.

Seriously...when he came to New York, it was like we were in college.  Horny frat boys downing shots and serious drinks.  After one particular night involving body shots and some type of blue drink (NEVER DRINK SOMETHING BLUE), we woke up and went out to eat  After we ordered our Lumber Jack breakfast, he took a sip of his coffee and said, "Every time I go out with you, I get even more hungover that the last time".
"That means I'm doing a good job.  Now excuse me while I go throw up before our food arrives".
What can I say?  I'm Irish.

Scott showed me the kindness in other people

While going home from work today, and thinking about writing this, I started crying on the subway.  I didn't realize it at first, but the people around me did.  New Yorkers don't speak to each other on the trains...it just doesn't happen...especially during rush hour.  Yet in mid sob, a woman about 30 years old put her arms around me and asked if I was ok.  I explained that my friend had died, and that it was just hitting me.  The man on the other side of me handed me a napkin to wipe my eyes and both just sat with me on the local train from downtown to 50th street.  The woman got off with me at my stop, and when I asked if she lived in the neighborhood, she told me that she just rode with me past her stop and figured she'd take the next train back down.  Yes...New Yorkers can be gruff, but moments like these are things you never forget.  I never even caught her name.

So has social media changed society?  Yes...I'd never be where I am today, in a city that is super expensive, with friends I wouldn't trade in, but feeling cared for and thought about no matter where I go.  We don't see each other that much anymore, and the world of Twitter (the downfall of journalistic standards) and Facebook has changed our communications, but there were real friends created in that space.

Patrick - 8:29 PM -

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